Recently, I posted on Facebook about my observations on how the youth views relationship topics nowadays.
This was what I wrote:
“Suddenly, almost everyone is becoming obsessed with relationship topics . Halos kada discussion, blog, article, post, meme, puro uyab2, ideals sa relationship, mga dapat, mga preparation. Pero bitaw, it tells something about unsay sulod sa daghan minds and hearts today”
I personally feel my post has been added, misinterpreted and expanded to either people’s preconceived notions of me, or their preconceived ideas, because they think their actions, ideals, and words were personally attacked. Thus, I am writing this blog, first to clarify the context, and second to answer the comments written on my post. I would also like to boldly say my understanding on the matter, which originally, I never wanted to voice out because I know not everyone will have an open mind to view another’s perspective, specially if it is unpopular.
WARNING: If you are a person who cannot separate facts from person, don’t continue reading. I have quoted lines but I DON’T TAKE IT AGAINST THE SPEAKER. My duty is to love people regardless of our differences in beliefs. Thus, though I don’t agree, and used their words to clarify my part, I AM NOT AGAINST THEM. So, if you like to take this personally, and expand my views and make it a disputation among brethren, IT IS ON YOU. YOU ARE ACCOUNTABLE TO GOD. So Stop, if you can’t take this. Choose a clear conscience over a talebearer spirit.
Let me point this out first:
He would seek to remove all occasion for misrepresentation, that the force of his message might not be lost. AA 349.1
a. Forgive me if my post was up for misinterpretation, and sorry if it has hurt you
b. I would like to seek to remove all cause of misrepresentation and explain reasons.
As such,
Number 1. CLARIFYING THE CONTEXT.
Most of the posts I see on my timeline specially from young people are about relationships. Now, this is not just coming from Seventh-day Adventist Youth, but youth in general. From jokes, to memes, to sana all, to blog posts, discussions, sermons, most young people talk about relationship.
Hence, the post. Now, I used the word obsessed. It was not premeditated. I wrote the post for like 1 minute and used words which first came to mind.
Overall, my intention was to say, ALL THESE STUFFS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS ARE SPEAKING IN VOLUMES ABOUT WHAT IS IN THE HEARTS AND MINDS TODAY.
Number 2. ANSWERING THE COMMENTS MADE ON MY POST
a. “Obsessed”
Obsessed may be a strong language. yes. but technically, it is CORRECT.
Merriam Webster:
“Obsess: to think and talk about someone or something too much”
What I noticed is that young people are talking too much about relationships at this time. I NEVER MENTIONED IN MY POST whether that is correct or not, or what my opinion is about that. But I will say my cents on the third part of this write up.
I ALSO WANT TO POINT OUT that, I only said “almost everyone are obsessed about relationship TOPICS”. I said obsession to the TOPIC. I did not used the word to refer to a person who yearns to have someone to share his/her life with. THAT IS FACT. and we must be careful in putting our own interpretation to the words of another person.
b. having a boyfriend with the same religious preferences made me unable to relate with people who are lonely
I had my first and only relationship when I was 26 years old. From that time, until now, I still feel lonely from time to time. Ask my boyfriend, he can 100% attest to that. PERSONAL FACT: Being in a relationship has made me even feel the longing to be with somebody (my boyfriend) than when I was happily single and not minding if I am with somebody or not.
And this is what I learned from experience. Everytime I pray, I feel so happy and secure. The type of happiness that I felt with God has never been provided by my boyfriend, and vice versa. But I don’t fuss about it.
“Feelings of unrest and homesickness or loneliness may be for your good. Your heavenly Father means to teach you to find in Him the friendship and love and consolation that will satisfy your most earnest hopes and desires. You safety and hapiness are in making Christ your constant counselor. You can be happy in Him if you had not another friend in the wide world” 1MCP 127.3
Thus, it is only when we are in Jesus and make Him our constant friend that we become satisfied. A BOYFRIEND or even a HUSBAND will never take away that loneliness hole that only Jesus can fill. They could be veneers, but never replacements.
As such, having a boyfriend did not make me unable to feel the loneliness of others. LONELINESS is a general feeling.I FEEL IT, too. The degree may be varying depending on environments and situations, the cause may be different, but everyone feels loneliness, in one way or another.
c. generalizations that these individuals (who do the things included in the post) are just focusing on finding a mate and have no personal relationship with Jesus
I NEVER SAID THAT. NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
d. i want to deviate from this type of social media discussion
AGAIN, I NEVER SAID THAT. READ MY POST AGAIN, you will never see that. You may say it’s implied, but that is YOUR JUDGMENT. Not my intention. It is never difficult to ask and clarify first, “by saying that, do you mean this?”. For me, that is discussion. But of course, it is always easier to assume from intuition. However, intuition is not always correct.
e. ATTACK against institutions, persons
if my post seemed an attack to you, YOU MISSED THE WHOLE POINT OF MY POST. My point was so easy to understand.But one needs to separate feelings from facts first.
Having CLARIFIED things, here is the last part.
Number 3. MY “TWO CENTS”
I purposefully did not speak about my thoughts on the matter because i don’t think it is of value to a world where there are lots of different positions, opinions and reactions on a matter such as relationships.
Again, I only said, THE OBSESSION ABOUT THIS TOPIC TELLS US WHAT IS IN THE MIND AND HEARTS OF MANY.
As I said in the comments, the implications of that could be both good or bad. Why?
1. The evidence tells us volumes about the state of our young people today. These are, but not limited to, :
a. they are lonely in general- which could be from many various causes and is a whole large topic in itself- effect of social media, effect of MEDIA, korean dramas, time on screen, less physical relationship with family, poor relationship with God, depression, trauma, pain in childhood, and list could be endless
b. they long for companionship
c. they love topics about relationship, and the reason why I used the term “obsessed” was because, it seems to be always the talk for many these days
SO WHAT’S THE IMPLICATION? I said, could be good or bad
Good. When we use this to our advantage and EDUCATE and HELP young people about the counsels and the testimonies, THIS COULD BE A BLESSING. I believe there are different ministries today who are talking, writing, posting, blogging about the counsels, USING GOD’S WORD, to capitalize and use this period where hearts are most receptive to the message and where interest about this matter is high.
I WILL MAKE THIS CLEAR:
I NEVER SAID IT IS WRONG TO TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS.
Bad. Now when does this become bad? In many forms, and in many ways. But here is what comes to mind (again, this is not limited to this).
When the situation is used to share something that is not biblically based. If there was a time where the word of God is needed, it is today. And opinions would not be as beneficial. Now, if you think I am referring to a certain institution, that is your judgment. Sorry, but I don’t have the privilege to watch long videos during this quarantine. Thus, I never watched sermons online during these times. But when I said, “is not biblically based”, I am referring to a lot of things, it could be posting something not biblical, etc. I leave that to your discretion.
NOW TO END THIS.
“OBSESSION”
“In the time of Noah…God was not in all their thoughts. They had no care whether he approved their course or not. They were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, with no thought of their Creator, or of their responsibility to him” RH 9/25/88
“Even some of those who profess the truth are corrupt and the same sins exist now that existed before the destruction of the old world by a flood. The world is almost ripe now for destruction, as it was then. I saw that when they were eating and drinking, marrying and being given in marriage, the flood came and took them all away. I saw that the hearts of the young are now filled with the thought of getting married. Some of them become disobedient to their parents, become wanton, and marry without the counsel of their parents or the church of God. Not having God in all their thoughts, not inquiring whether it is according to His will or pleasure or not, they do not marry to glorify God but to gratify their loose passions and their depraved lusts. Such sins as these brought the flood upon the old world, and destroyed sinners who would not bear God in their thoughts.” 7 MR 368.4
“There are persons who have for some time made a profession of religion who are, to all intent and purposes, without God and without a sensitive conscience. They are vain and trifling,; their conversation is of a low order. Courtship and marriage occupy the mind, to the exclusion of higher and nobler thoughts” AH 51.5
“The young are bewitched with the mania for courtship and marriage. Lovesick sentimentalism prevails. Great vigilance and tact are needed to guard the youth from these wrong influences” AH 52.1
“Under the debasing power of sensual indulgence, or the untimely excitement of courtship and marriage, many students fail to reach that height of mental development which they might otherwise have attained” CE 36.3
“While at school, students should not allow their minds to become confused by thought of courtship. They are to gain a fitness to work for God, and this thought is ever to be uppermost. Let all students take as broad a view as possible of their obligations to God. Let them study earnestly how they can do practical work for the Master during their student life. Let them refuse to burden the souls of their teachers by showing a spirit of levity and careless disregard of rules.” CT 100.2
AND THE LIST GOES ON.
Question. IS IT WRONG TO TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS?
The clear answer is NO.
Is it wrong to blog about relationships? Is it wrong to discuss about relationships? Is it wrong to post or write about relationships?
CAPS LOCKED, Bold. NO.
BUT HERE’s THE ROB:
When courtship and marriage occupy the mind, to the exclusion of higher and nobler thoughts, when there is untimely excitement of courtship and marriage, IT COULD BE DANGEROUS. THAT’s THE DANGER that I want to point out.. – when we become too obsessed about it that all we talk about is courtship and marriage, and we foster our feelings of loneliness, and devote much of our time looking for someone, a person to fill that loneliness. True, man is a social being, there is an innate need to be loved. True, IT IS PART OF US. But when it’s consuming, occupying our minds, and making our minds DEVOID of other subjects, such as those of high and noble themes, THAT IS WORTH THE SECOND THOUGHT.
Now, I am not in a position to tell who does that or not. We are all to appear before the judgment seat of Christ. I AM IN NO WISE NOT GUILTY, BECAUSE, I TOO, NEED TO EXAMINE MYSELF. Even if I have a boyfriend, even if I don’t post much, God knows how my thoughts run, and I could be as guilty as someone who openly tells it to the public. There is no room for hyprocrisy here.
But here’s a thing I want to point out as well,
“While at school, students should not allow their minds to become confused by thought of courtship. They are to gain a fitness to work for God, and this thought is ever to be uppermost. Let all students take as broad a view as possible of their obligations to God. Let them study earnestly how they can do practical work for the Master during their student life. Let them refuse to burden the souls of their teachers by showing a spirit of levity and careless disregard of rules.” CT 100.2
Here is where many of us are lacking BECAUSE even though many of us are experts in relationships (AGAIN, NOT SAYING IT IS BAD), we are not masters on making ourselves fit for GOD. How many of us know in a broad view our obligations to God? How many of us delight to study the Bible everyday and know His will to make us fit for His work? How many of us are searching our hearts today and afflicting our souls? How many of us are giving our attention to those themes?
IN THESE LAST DAYS, where should MUCH of our interest lie?
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Before I rest my case, I would like to point out specific things:
1. I believe it is wrong to translate exhortations as judgments. We could choose to be emotional and imagine ourselves being oppressed, but let me quote Ralph Waldo Emerson,
“Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted”
Reading the Bible , and specially the testimonies of the Spirit of Prophecy, makes pain your friend, and exhortations your saving grace. When we read, we find ourselves cut, bruised, an even insulted. but for what? For making us WHOLE.
And again, to say these things doesn’t mean I am judging anyone and saying they don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus. Far from it. God forbid!
2. AD HOMINEM. (Sorry lawyers) I believe I am also growing much like anybody else. Thus, everything I said could be applied to myself as well. Again, hyprocrisy should have no room here. I am a sinner, and is probably more guilty of these sins more than anybody else. So let’s focus on the topic, not on me and my character (not on you, too). After all, those above are Sop statements.
3. Laodicea’s remedy is not lukewarm water. Oftentimes, we go on the safe side of things. because yeah, we are “peaceable” . But take a look at 1 Thes 5:3. Our duty is to preach repentance and remission of sins. Again, it bruises but it heals. Philadelphia had a little strength, they were few, but they kept God’s Word. It is not always the majority that holds truth. Some truths are unpopular, and in order to see it, it is eyesalve that we need.
4. I fully understand and believe that Jesus always told the truth, but He uttered it always in love. I would like to believe that I had uttered the words in a loving manner, but I guess, this platform has limited me in a lot of ways. And so, i would like to ask your forgiveness if my words hurt you and cut you unnecessarily, and were not reflective of Jesus. I am also, like you, a learner at Jesus’ feet.
Case laid to rest. #
I Will Go 